OPPONENT'S BATTLEFIELD - Salmon & beloved father to thousands Phillip Sherman has raised concerns over the unfair treatment of his family while other animals get to be people. We caught up with the protesting patriarch while he fertilized a riverbed full of eggs in the nude. "What, everyone who goes…
Universes Beyond: Call of Duty will consist of nothing but reprints and be released yearly with zero significant changes or innovations.
The bipedal pavement sculptor who wandered in front of traffic is presumed to have had amnesia for the 86th time and forgot what crosswalks are.
The decision to pay the alternative cost was made by Dennis Caturwal, who sacrificed his Great Aunt Lucile to keep the apartment.
The British Army has received support from swaths of American citizens clamoring for a return to fascist monarchic rule for some fucking reason. This fervor has the current British Monarch they still have for some reason feeling absolutely giddy.
Professional Magic: The Gathering player Michael Bertlong was seen picking a Tarmogoyf token out of a freshly-opened pack of Modern Horizons 3.
MOX MANIA - A new, not-at-all shocking report finds that that dude you played against with a precon over a decade ago has never forgiven you for Counterspelling his commander. Dude Berrywidth is currently 29 years old. In the time since your fateful casual…
Local politicians are doing their part to ensure the state remains energy-independent by banning all the energy cards from Modern Horizons 3.
"We're a simple folk," explained Hunter while doing the back-breaking daily labor of organizing his draft chaff.
PISA, Italy - This week's Paupergeddon tournament should have been a safe haven for those penniless Magic players Welcome to the Black Parade was talking about. Instead, it's become an ideological battleground as 'Pro-Lifers' swarmed en masse to protest the preemptive banning of Cranial…
Fremont’s Magic scene has been rocked by Curtis Theseus’s paradoxical claim that his expensively upgraded Sevinne deck is actually still a precon.
“It happened to my girlfriend too but that was after her god damn skin turned inside out. She didn’t leave it in her back pocket with her keys.”
She proceeded to gush “Oh my god I can’t believe you’re using Dragon Shields, you are so brave. If I were playing with those, I'd be sooooo embarrassed.”
Pringles and Wizards have teamed up to create the ultimate storage box for hyperbolic paraboloids, perfect for potato crisps or curled Magic foils!
Wizards was concerned that any other option would result in messages from guys with anime girl profile pictures saying “I’m not racist but…”
Pinkerton employees have been sent to the home of a man who dared to remember the announcement of a Magic: The Gathering TV show.
He believes that tutors are unhealthy for the format, Universes Beyond is bad, and that maybe WotC designs too many cards for Commander.
You've been waiting for over four hours to play a few games of Commander and that pod of three in the corner is looking for anyone who isn't you.
The stats don't lie: If someone thinking about trying the game is shown a Dungeon Descent, they're 70% less likely to become involved.
Not everyone is happy with their purchase of commander decks or dogs, and sometimes both end up getting donated to the humane society.
Organizers recruited Sid Blair, the most talented buttcrack inspector of his generation, to sniff out dirty plays then pull them out root & stem.
Evan Limestone keeps posting misprints in the MTG Misprints and Oddities Facebook group but the cards look normal to everyone else.
"I don't know what a Chernobyl but I'm pretty sure this was worse than that. Commet was DCI Banned for two weeks, and I will never forgive myself."
Today Wizards of the Coast announced Universes Beyond: Balatro and it's literally just a deck of 52 playing cards.
Let’s all touch Harold’s gross-ass Android phone that hasn’t been cleaned since 2018! Who cares what else he uses it for?
If Loot, the Key to Everything is your commander, on the battlefield, or in your hand, graveyard, or library, you are a criminal.
Beyonce has informed fans that her Western album Cowboy Carter was heavily inspired by Magic's Western set, Outlaws of Thunder Junction.
The heist was all going according to plan before the crew started copying five different Ocean's movies as well as one Agent Cody Banks.
